lovesmile

Somedays I find it difficult to watch the news. Sometimes I find it difficult to realize what people are actually capable of doing. My condolences to the families affected by this tradegy.

I comprehend yet, I understand nothing at all.

::sighs::

Well tonight I spent some time at the Beatriz Ball, Ball. lol. As if I needed to spend anymore time with my co-workers. I feel like my job can so have our very own version of The Office. Dang, I can't believe I've been working there over a year. Eff the cliches and all, but it does feel like just yesterday I began. It's cool, I bitch, but I actually enjoy my job more than I'll allow them to know. Shhhh and you don't tell em either.

I was involved in a conversation between two older married women. Woman B says to Lady A "Look at your husband. Isn't he the most handsome thing in the room?" I laughed because Lady A's husband was talking to Woman B's husband. But then Lady A says to us, "You know, I just don't even see that anymore. I only see the things that bothers me about him"...Wow. Reality check huh?

That disturbs me on so many levels that a wife is unable to look at her husband and feel the fire that began the journey of "til death do us part." I don't know. Sometimes I really feel that I have this fairy tale vision of love and marriage that aren't felt by the masses. I know right now I'm in my "naw, I'm cool, I just wanna be alone" rut, but i put that on katrina. I finally have an apartment to myself again, I'm having "private parties" ((c) india arie) everyday! ya heard!

But shit, I've experienced relationships. The best relationship advice I ever received was, "That 50%/50% stuff is just bullshit. See, sometimes you gotta be 80% when that other person can only be 20, and vice versa. But if you constantly find yourself in the same equation...you need to remove yourself from that problem"

No one's saying that its gonna be all good all of the time, or even most of the time. But dang, If I can't look at you, and know why we're still together, maybe we should begin that conversation that starts with, "we need to talk" and ends with "well, eff you then, I never liked your..." hahhahaha I'm just playin lmao.

So, future husband. I want to wake up in the morning, not really in your arms...cause i like my space when i sleep (well, maybe you'll change that, lol) but to turn over and look at you and lovesmile. I want to be at work and hear a word, that sounds like your name (but really doesn't) and lovesmile. I want to be in the grocery store and pass an ingrediant that's in your favorite food and lovesmile. I want to read an installation guide to my new computer program and play 7 degrees of seperation until it involves you and lovesmile. I want to come home and have a converstation with you about everything and absolutly nothing at all and lovesmile. I want to go back and read this blog after we've found each other, take a picture and post so you can see what the lovesmile truly is.